Today, on my way to school, I was listening to a song called "Thank You!" by 33 Miles. Sometimes it amazes me how much a song can minister to my heart on any given day. Does anyone else ever get a little off track and not really notice it until a while down the road when you are like, "Dude, what is going on?" I do. I live my life to the extreme in just about everything- life is black or white. So I am constantly having to submit my extremes to the Lord. So I got a little off track in trying to maintain a set of expectations I had set for myself. But then as I was listening to this song I started giggling. All it said was, "Thank You for loving me, Thank You for everything..." Such a simplistic little love song to the Lord, yet it changed my entire perception. There is nothing in this world that will satisfy but the presence of the Lord. Mans words, some number on the scale, a pants size, a stage, grades in school, or any other set of expectations will never satisfy us! We might be temporarily please with ourselves, but do we ever ask what it costs us? Jesus Christ died so that the veil between us and Him could be torn right down the middle... yet when we hold onto our "rights" "rules" and "expectations" we are setting up our own veils between us and Jesus. Sometimes I feel so confused as to what God expects of me. Nothing... because I am not what I do, I am simply His. What propels me to move is Jesus' love on the inside of me, not obligation or rigid rules. Because of God's love my simply response should be, "Thank You for loving me, Thank You for everything..."

Epiphany

Today didn't start out at the greatest day. I just felt weird all morning... like I was struggling to get back on track after major burn out and exhaustion from running a very fast paced life for the last 4 months. I went to one of my least favorite classes that I've ever taken, which is Social Issues. I don't think that I've ever gotten so angry in a class...except maybe psychology. My teacher loves to egg me on and try to disuade me from being so stubborn in my beliefs... not going to happen:) Anyway, today we watched "Bowling For Columbine" which is a documentary about the Columbine shootings, but also about other huge social issues such as gun control and welfare to work. Anyone who knows me, knows that it takes quite a bit for me to cry, and I literally cried the entire time we watched the movie. I was so moved and disturbed by it.

After class I drove home, grabbed my ipod, and went on a prayer walk to talk to God about why that movie messed me up so bad. And I realized why that class made me so furious. Week after week we would read about these huge social issues in our world... violence, divorce, guns, racial discrimination, suicide, abortion, poverty... and we would debate about these issues. And then the class would be over... NO ACTION. What is the point??? But this seems like what most people do in life... talk about issues, maybe join an activist group, and possibly vote... we talk and talk and talk, but talking wont get us anywhere. Who is going to stand up and take responsibility?? I am. I sure can't do it alone, but that isn't an excuse for me to not do something. It often feels overwhelming staring at the world's suffering, but if we constantly look away, what will change? I may not be brilliant, educated, a doctor, or someone famous with a ton of money, but I have something more powerful than any of that. I have the love of Christ that propels me to move. I know that God has created me to not just serve from within the walls of the church... but to be in the front lines, in the trenches, on the streets, in placs of great danger and darkness, risking my life so that others may know His love. I'm not afraid.

I'm not sure where this epiphany... this vision... this empowerment will take me, but I know that love is a movement. This summer I am going to Ethiopia to bring love and encouragement to the young adults and to the children. I am believing for miracles and for God to give me tongues to speak to them myself. I know He will. But there is also work to be done in my own backyard... God stengthen my heart for what is ahead, and continue to break it for what breaks yours.

Freedom Advocate

The words "Freedom Advocate" keep ringing through my ears. It means that I urge, push towards, and am an intercessor of freedom. I believe that God has called us to be freedom advocates to a generation entangled in the enemy's chains. But how can we do that if we ourselves are choosing to be entangled in those chains also? I will be first to confess that I am far from perfect. I fall, miss the mark, and ignore the promptings of the Holy Spirit. I am human. But those imperfections do not negate our responsibility to get up, take off our grave cloths, and press on towards the mark. I wish people understood how much they matter? Do you get it? Take an inventory of your thought life-- I don't necessarily mean about how you think you look or what you think of yourself... but if you think about yourself in the big picture of life, think about your destiny, those God whispers... how do you value yourself when all that is in perspective. Some might say that "we are worthless," but guys, that was before the blood of Jesus was shed for us. I think that is what God is urgently trying to tell us. "My Beloved Children, because of Christ I see you as RIGHTEOUS." At Mercy I started doing a study on what righteous meant and I was blown away. All those marks that we miss, those sins and gaps between us and God...well because of Christ and His death on the cross He sees us as meeting the mark. So many people think that humility is thinking so little of yourself, when in actuality thinking little of yourself means that you are thinking very little of the God living in you! Humility is realizing that without Jesus on the inside of you, you can't do anything! But because Jesus is living in us we need to know and think that we are of the utmost value! Everyday we see tons of hurting people who haven't even heard about the freedom they can have in Jesus Christ, but if I am not walking in my own freedom then why would anyone even want to give Jesus a shot? One of the girls in my small group is doing something very bold in her life- she is trying to look at her choices and the things she does as others might see it, so she can be sure that she is being a good representative in Christ. We should all be doing that! With all my heart I wish people knew how important they were. God didn't have to use us, He didn't have to save us, He could have just destroyed us... but HE DIDN'T! He is desiring for us to be His hands and feet, for us to lay hands on people, to pray for them, to encourage them, to take authority over peoples lives, and to love rediculously. I think I just had a revelation! I was thinking about the gospels and how Jesus had authority over everyones lives, could heal anything, cast out any demon, and bless anyone He came into contact with. Well, Jesus lives in me... he has given me the authority to use His name... that means that I have the same authority on this earth as He did. So even though my friends live across the earth or it may seem like I have no authority over someone elses life... that is such a lie that has been holding me back. OOOOO... I am excited. It is like the story of the soldier asking Jesus to just say the word and his servant would be healed because he knew what it was like to be under authority and in authority. We too are under God's authority but also have the authority of Christ. That means the mountains that are in my friends lives right now, in my brother's life, my families lives, my Mercy Sister's lives... they have no choice but to move b/c I have the authority of Christ because GREATER IS HE THAT IS IN ME THAN HE THAT IS IN THE WORLD. Guys... hear God YOU MATTER. People are on the otherside of your obedience, your destiny, your smiles matter, your prayers matter, your thoughts about yourself matter. We must walk in freedom so the lost around us have a chance to walk in freedom too. There is an amazing quote by Marianne Williamson that says, "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, "who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?" Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so others wont feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us. It's in everyone. And as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others." All I can say is Amen, and step it up!

My Decree

(This was written by the Holy Spirit sometime in my Mercy Journey when I was fed up with the self hate and needed to know who I really was. It is the most powerful when read outloud!)

I, Daughter of the Most High King, decree that I am a captivating, breathtakingly beautiful princess and I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am the apple of my Father’s eye who loves and accepts me for who I am. I am a women of excellence and integrity and am steadfast, immovable, and unshakable. I am real, open, and honest, trying to be no one but me. I am a leader, strong, courageous, and bold as a lion. Because of Christ I am free, loosed from all chains, bondage, and strongholds. I am a soldier of Christ armed with the breastplate of righteousness, the belt of truth, shoes of peace, shield of faith, helmet of salvation, and sword of the Spirit. I am pliable and moldable clay on the Potter’s wheel. I am clean, pure, washed white as snow by the blood of Jesus. I am the temple of the Holy Spirit and I treat my body with the utmost respect. I am led by the Spirit and I am an obedient doer of the Word of God. I am a sheep and I follow the voice of the Good Shepherd. I am a woman of faith, believing God for the impossible. I am God’s favorite! Because of Christ’s death on the cross I do reign as a Queen , and I am dead to selfishness, self-pity, self-hate, condemnation, guilt, idolatry, stubbornness, indifference, independence, works, self-punishment, victimization, criticalness, perfectionism, and pride. Instead of my old sin nature I was given the heart of a bond servant, confidence in the Lord, forgiveness, grace, mercy, joy, perseverance, patience, willingness, passion, tenacity, and humility. I also have the mind of Christ and a heart of compassion. Through Christ I am an overcomer because greater is He who lives in me than any mountain standing in my way! I have authority over all the powers of darkness and I can trample on snakes and scorpions and not get hurt! I walk in abundance and lack nothing. I am complete in Christ and in need of nothing. I walk in divine health and strength! I do not conform to the world’s standards but am transformed day by day into the image of my Father. I lean on God and He is my road map. I find strength only in the Lord and I pursue peace that is beyond my understanding. I do not worry or get stressed because my God knows what I need and never leaves my side. I accept myself as I am and I trust that God will complete the work He has begun in me. I deny myself, laying down my life and picking up my cross, and I love everyday to the fullest and see the hand of God in everything. I am forgetting what lies behind me and pushing towards the destiny God has for me. My faith in God will move mountains, heal the sick, cast out demons, and raise people from the dead. I am chosen to be a light and a testimony of God’s saving grace and unfailing love. And I commit the rest of my days for doing the work that God has called me to do!