Today, on my way to school, I was listening to a song called "Thank You!" by 33 Miles. Sometimes it amazes me how much a song can minister to my heart on any given day. Does anyone else ever get a little off track and not really notice it until a while down the road when you are like, "Dude, what is going on?" I do. I live my life to the extreme in just about everything- life is black or white. So I am constantly having to submit my extremes to the Lord. So I got a little off track in trying to maintain a set of expectations I had set for myself. But then as I was listening to this song I started giggling. All it said was, "Thank You for loving me, Thank You for everything..." Such a simplistic little love song to the Lord, yet it changed my entire perception. There is nothing in this world that will satisfy but the presence of the Lord. Mans words, some number on the scale, a pants size, a stage, grades in school, or any other set of expectations will never satisfy us! We might be temporarily please with ourselves, but do we ever ask what it costs us? Jesus Christ died so that the veil between us and Him could be torn right down the middle... yet when we hold onto our "rights" "rules" and "expectations" we are setting up our own veils between us and Jesus. Sometimes I feel so confused as to what God expects of me. Nothing... because I am not what I do, I am simply His. What propels me to move is Jesus' love on the inside of me, not obligation or rigid rules. Because of God's love my simply response should be, "Thank You for loving me, Thank You for everything..."

Epiphany

Today didn't start out at the greatest day. I just felt weird all morning... like I was struggling to get back on track after major burn out and exhaustion from running a very fast paced life for the last 4 months. I went to one of my least favorite classes that I've ever taken, which is Social Issues. I don't think that I've ever gotten so angry in a class...except maybe psychology. My teacher loves to egg me on and try to disuade me from being so stubborn in my beliefs... not going to happen:) Anyway, today we watched "Bowling For Columbine" which is a documentary about the Columbine shootings, but also about other huge social issues such as gun control and welfare to work. Anyone who knows me, knows that it takes quite a bit for me to cry, and I literally cried the entire time we watched the movie. I was so moved and disturbed by it.

After class I drove home, grabbed my ipod, and went on a prayer walk to talk to God about why that movie messed me up so bad. And I realized why that class made me so furious. Week after week we would read about these huge social issues in our world... violence, divorce, guns, racial discrimination, suicide, abortion, poverty... and we would debate about these issues. And then the class would be over... NO ACTION. What is the point??? But this seems like what most people do in life... talk about issues, maybe join an activist group, and possibly vote... we talk and talk and talk, but talking wont get us anywhere. Who is going to stand up and take responsibility?? I am. I sure can't do it alone, but that isn't an excuse for me to not do something. It often feels overwhelming staring at the world's suffering, but if we constantly look away, what will change? I may not be brilliant, educated, a doctor, or someone famous with a ton of money, but I have something more powerful than any of that. I have the love of Christ that propels me to move. I know that God has created me to not just serve from within the walls of the church... but to be in the front lines, in the trenches, on the streets, in placs of great danger and darkness, risking my life so that others may know His love. I'm not afraid.

I'm not sure where this epiphany... this vision... this empowerment will take me, but I know that love is a movement. This summer I am going to Ethiopia to bring love and encouragement to the young adults and to the children. I am believing for miracles and for God to give me tongues to speak to them myself. I know He will. But there is also work to be done in my own backyard... God stengthen my heart for what is ahead, and continue to break it for what breaks yours.